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Why
do we need to support bereaved children in schools?
Grieving takes place after any circumstantial loss but impacts
most after the death of someone close to us. A considerable
number of children experience the death of a pet, grandparent,
parent, sibling, friend or teacher.
Adults try to 'protect' the child by ignoring their experience
of death. By doing so we may make their feelings worse; anger,
loneliness, exclusion, hurt or embarrassment at a chance remark.
If children are not helped to mourn losses at the time they
happen, major problems may be triggered in later life. We
do need to acknowledge their feelings and needs, not always
with counseling (Harrington 1997).
Death will affect each child and school uniquely. Grieving
children may become school phobic, under achieve or change
their behaviour. The Schools Liaison Project aims to support
bereaved children.
If you need:
 A
school bereavement policy
Informal
advice
Teaching
about death and loss
Access
to regional and national support groups
Advice
about training
Understanding
of the grief process
Please contact The Grief Centre -
Manchester Area Bereavement Forum
Child Grief
Children grieve in similar ways to adults, e.g. shock, disbelief,
sadness, anxiety, anger and guilt. But children express their
grief differently to adults. Their main reactions are usually:
Behavioural and Emotional:
e.g. aggression and violence; 'silly' behaviour and regression,
sleep disturbance, mood swings, depression.
Somatic Reactions:
i.e. health and physical problems.
School based problems:
e.g. absence, lack of concentration, lower attainment, anxiety,
being teased or bullied.
Helping Children Cope
Be Honest
Listen,
talk and explain
Give
age appropriate explanations to the child
Keep
children informed and up to date
Use
the words dead or dying and avoid euphemisms,
e.g. 'resting',
'gone away'
Be Open
Do
not be surprised by shocking or surprising questions,
reactions
or behaviour
Repeat
explanations
Accept
short conversations
Expect
children to show their grief differently to adults
Accept
play as a diversion
Help Children Grieve
Encourage
them to express feelings through talk,
play, stories
or art
Offer
them a chance to participate in
"goodbye
rituals" e.g. viewing the body,
funeral
attendance
Talk
about the dead person, share memories
and keepsakes.
Help Them To Cope
Work
for continuity and keep to routines.
Avoid
unnecessary separations.
Talk
about their worries and anxieties.
Children
may be fearful for a while and need
plenty
of reassurance.
Guidelines for Staff & Teachers
A schools reaction depends upon the child or member of staff
who has died. It is important that all teachers and staff
are aware what has happened, they may feel shocked or upset.
Identify children who had a close or long term relationship
with the dead child or member of staff, keep them informed.
Give children time to talk about their feelings, losses and
fears.
Send a letter home, so that parents are kept up to date on
what has happened.
Funerals help us come to term with death and make it real.
It is generally good for children to be included as long as
they are prepared. Perhaps the family may wish some children
to attend with their parents, representative's from school
should go or send some of the children's work.
A school thanksgiving service may be more appropriate. It
is important that all children have the chance to say goodbye
and feel included.
It is important for schools to plan how they would deal with
a situation where several children have died, as the scale
of events and the severity of the incident may prevent normal
grieving.
Teaching About Death & Loss
Preparing for loss and bereavement is part of the preparation
for life. Teaching about loss will help children cope with
the inevitable losses they will face throughout their life
- not only death, but separation, divorce, moving house, moving
school, growing up and growing old.
USEFUL BOOKS:
Key Stage 1 (2-4 years)
"Grandpa" - John Burmingham
"I'll Always Love You " - Hans Willelm
"Waterbugs and Dragonflies" - Doris Stickney
"Badgers Parting Gifts " - Susan Varley
Key Stage 2 (7-11 years)
"Heaven" - Nicholas Allan
"See ya Simon" - David Hill
Key Stage 3 (11-14 years)
"Goodnight Mister Tom" - Michelle Magorian
"Two Weeks with the Queen" - Morris Gleitzman
"Tiger Eyes" - Judy Blume
"The Charlie Barber Treatment" - Carole Lloyd
"When Parents Die" - Rebecca Abrams
For Teachers
"The Forgotten Mourners" - Pennells & Smith
"Grief in Children" - Atle Dyregrov
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